Who’s Controlling You: Tarot Pick a Card

Hello, my soul friends! Today I have a reading about a person who is controlling you. That’s not fun at all, so let’s figure out who this is and what you can do about it to gain back your power.

All you have to do is pick the pile that sticks out to you the most. Which object inspires your intuition? That’s your pile and that’s your tarot reading.

After you select your cards, scroll down to your pile or choose below.

Here I’m using the Fin de Siecle Kipper oracle deck (this is an affiliate link that supports me if you make a purchase). Remember that you have free will. That means you can manifest the positive and avoid the negative of any reading.

Now let’s find out who the control freak in your life is.

Pile 1: Bell

A Bad Man

It seems like the control freak in your life has Main Male energy. This means it’s a man or someone with intense and unmistakable masculinity. He has “main character energy” and believes that everyone else is a secondary character meant only to serve his story.

Now he may be on a personal quest that will do some good for others, but the way he’s controlling you is toxic and harmful. You’re a victim on his path to glory. And for some who chose this pile, this person may just be a bad man.

All told, it’s going to be difficult to challenge him because he’s likely very powerful or influential in some way. But he’s only going to get stronger. While he’s the hero in his eyes, he’s the villain in yours.

Because of the power this man holds, he may also be someone you don’t know directly, like a boss or mortgage lender. In essence, he’s someone with authority over your life.

You’re Going Broke

The particular thing this man will cause is Poverty. His decisions against you will leave you broke or in a financially worse situation.

For those who suspect this is a significant other, know that he may have spending habits that could lead your family to financial ruin if you don’t step in now. And if this is someone you just started dating… consider stepping away before you get too involved.

I think for the men who chose this pile it could be a friend or family member who you hang out with. He may bum spare cash from you but never pay you back. He’s never going to pay you back – stop financing his lifestyle! It’s possible women who chose this pile also resonate with this type of person, but I primarily sense this within my male readers.

As for those who this isn’t someone close to you, you need to find out if there’s a way to change your circumstances. A bad boss may drive you crazy or get you fired, while someone like a mortgage lender may not be forthcoming about the details of the financial transactions you’re about to do.

Stop Him Now

You must wrestle control from this man because he will cause you Despair. This is a person who isn’t making wise decisions for other people choosing to make those decisions for you. Likely, you’re not the only one suffering.

For some of you, discussing this negative behavior and sharing decision-making will be enough. He won’t like it, but if you divvy up responsibilities with what he does well and what you do well it should proceed well enough.

Others will simply have to assert themselves and refuse to be bullied. If this person doesn’t relent, you may need to spend less time with them or go no contact – it depends upon the relationship you wish to have with them.

It’s never okay for someone to make decisions for you if you’re an independent adult. If they argue otherwise, it doesn’t matter: you have the right to make your own decisions.

And if they turn out for worse, at least you were the one who caused it. You’d hate to suffer because of someone else’s incompetence or malevolence.

I loved reading for you! If it resonated, let me know. You can also leave a tip on ko-fi or book a private reading on my Etsy.

Pile 2: Coffee Grinder

A Problematic Woman

The person who is controlling you has social prestige. I’m going slightly out of order here, but the card I want to talk about is Privileged Lady. You may not realize it yet, but the person controlling you is very well-connected.

She either is a woman or has a lot of feminine energy. Her weapons are her words and ability to manipulate emotions to secure the society she wants. She may even be a politician, bureaucrat, or someone in a position of authority over you.

But for many, this person is someone in your social circle or a female family member.

You’ll discover her at the end and realize all the problems she caused you, probably indirectly and not always maliciously. So you’ll need to be ready to forgive or confront her as necessary upon realizing who this might be.

Handling This Woman

The next card I want to talk about is Court House. This suggests legal or social problems. The woman who’s controlling you is creating a system of oppression and you’re going to be its victim. She’ll pass judgment and it’s going to hurt you in some manner.

Now I don’t necessarily sense that her actions will cause tragedy. Most of her power is diplomatic rather than direct control so she’ll use flattery and social graces to get what she wants from other people rather than direct crime.

Some possible examples of this type of woman would be a controlling family matriarch who wants to make life decisions for you, a popular girl who steals attention, or someone who sues you or a family member.

Problems, big and small, but I don’t sense tragedy for most who chose this pile. What she does against you is something you can recover from.

I also think some may win the court or social case against them. Although the woman in this spread is causing problems, she can be convinced to stop either by you or the people around her.

After all, the most important thing to her is her reputation. If you can make her more concerned about that and how controlling you makes her look bad, she’ll lose interest and may even be sincerely apologetic.

Take Time to Consider

Your final card is Journey. This represents your journey to understand how a woman in your life has been manipulating you. Your ultimate quest is to break her power.

For example, those with helicopter mothers. Their quest would be learning how that behavior damages their independence and perhaps asserting their desires and even moving out.

Not everyone will go no contact: for many, it’s about correcting behavior and asserting oneself.

That said, there are certain to be at least a few who chose this pile who will realize this woman is narcissistic or abusive and need to sever the connection entirely.

The way to tell the difference is love. Does this woman love you more than they love their power over you? Some women think love is doing everything for another person. Others believe love is a tool to gain power.

I loved reading for you! If it resonated, let me know. You can also leave a tip on ko-fi or book a private reading on my Etsy.

Pile 3: Horse Statue

They Mean Well

There’s someone in your life who cares, but the way they’re showing it is harmful. Your first card, Concern, compared with the rest in your spread, indicates a family member, especially someone older. It could also be someone like a family member to you. This person wants the best for you but either mistrusts your judgment or doesn’t realize it’s time to let you make your own decisions.

I’m reminded of more traditional families. These parents invest a lot of time and attention into their children, but this attention to detail often causes them to infantilize their adult children too. They live by a set of cultural rules and assume their children will do the same.

I don’t sense that this person is bad or abusive, merely unable to move past their previous role to you. You may have grown, but this person’s role hasn’t transformed to match that.

For some who chose this pile, this person may no longer be in your life, like a mentor or deceased family member, but your memories of them have created this dynamic in your mind and are influencing every decision you make now.

Change Their Perspective

One thing I sense that seems to be causing the most problems is the second card, High Honor. This person expects that you want to live a certain way because it is the most prestigious path forward.

Perhaps they want you to marry a specific person, pursue a high-status career, or simply act in a manner that is more “dignified” than you would care to be. And in some ways, you’re infuriated by this because while their high honor way of life is good, it just isn’t for you. Why can’t they understand that?

It’s difficult for you to argue your case against a high-status life compared to your preferred life.

I’d recommend observing this person and identifying how they live that isn’t a match for the lifestyle they want you to have. You’re going to share this with them, but make sure it’s something they actually like about themselves and isn’t something they’re ashamed of or try to keep secret. Everybody has at least one.

For example, someone in this pile may have a parent who hates that their child plays video games. This person could point out that their parents love playing games on their phones and that the same stress relief is true for them too.

Helping this person see that other ways of life are also good will open their eyes to your point of view.

Seek Compassionate Bonds

I see that the final card is House. You must reconcile with this person rather than push them away. If this person is still in your life, figuring out how to stop their controlling behavior and transform it into loving behavior will result in a more meaningful relationship.

For those who have already ruined this relationship, you may need to apologize for not trying to reconcile your differences. Be firm that you aren’t going to change your lifestyle, but that you understand why they felt the way they did and you want to be together again.

What about those who have naturally moved on from this relationship, either because this person was a mentor who influenced you or this person died? You’ll need to accept in your heart that you can value your past with them but that you’ll be making your own decisions from now on.

Remember that control isn’t love. Someone who truly loves you will understand that. They may just not realize that they’re being controlling instead of loving right now.

I loved reading for you! If it resonated, let me know. You can also leave a tip on ko-fi or book a private reading on my Etsy.