Turn Conflict Into Relationship Growth — Tarot Pick a Card

Hello, my soul friends! I have a psychic tarot reading today on how you can turn conflict into relationship growth. This works for a specific relationship you have in mind, platonic or romantic, and for big or little problems.

To receive your message from the universe, pick one of the piles above using your intuition.

After you select your cards, scroll down to your pile or choose below.

For this reading, I’ve chosen the Santa Muerte Tarot deck. Remember that you have free will. That means you can manifest the positive and avoid the negative of any reading.

Now let’s see what you can do to make your relationship grow.

Pile 1: Toads

They Seek to Wound You for Their Benefit

You feel as if the person in your relationship is taking advantage of you materially. But more than material loss, you feel emotionally desolate because of the Five of Cups card.

Thoughts of why this person could be so careless have consumed you. You either have good memories of them or they haven’t truly harmed you – it’s the intention that’s wounding.

The King of Pentacles represents this person in a materially better position because of their actions. They feel in control and blessed. Because of this, they see your current state, represented by the Queen of Cups, Reversed, as acceptable collateral damage.

Whether they had a small or outsized effect on you, it’s clear this conflict can’t stand. But how do you grow from here?

It’s Time to Educate Your Person

People do what you let them get away with in the past. It doesn’t mean you’re to blame for their poor behavior now, but it does show that standing up for yourself can reprogram your relationship in the present.

Imagine a couple where the husband never cleans up after himself. His wife always does it for him, even though she hates it, and he has no executive functioning problems like ADHD.

Once this becomes a pattern, the husband will assume his wife will always do it, even when she’s sick or having a bad day.

Perhaps this husband is amazing in every other respect, but a conflict like this can build resentment and slowly make a relationship toxic.

So even if you think your relationship isn’t there yet, letting your person start a pattern you’ll later resent can ferment resentment and kill your connection.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Small conflicts that you resolve can make your relationship stronger because you won’t let patterns of unhappiness form just to avoid arguments.

A small conflict is an opportunity to educate your person on how you want to be treated. They’re not a mind reader and everyone’s different. They need to be taught your preferences.

It’s not a real relationship if one person is unhappy because they don’t want to offend the other. That’s servitude.

How to Approach Them

You’re represented by the Queen of Cups, Reversed in this spread. That means you’re emotionally vulnerable and don’t have to be.

It’s possible that your person doesn’t understand subtle cues or body language. They may not give it the same weight as your words when they’re strong and direct. You may have been uncomfortable with being direct in the past because your person may have responded directly and without grace.

That doesn’t mean they weren’t listening and learning, but once you dropped that directness, they assumed it didn’t matter as much to you. This is why some argumentative couples are ironically happy: they let the other know when they’re unhappy and it gets fixed.

Couples who never argue often have a power imbalance where one of them doesn’t want to rock the boat. This is true in non-romantic relationships too.

But arguments should lead to resolution.

What you need to do is teach your person the right pattern. If there is something you want to change, take some time to brainstorm before confronting your person.

Don’t go into the conversation expecting to win, but to lay down your needs and seek to understand your person’s perspective so true compromise and conflict resolution can be met.

Let me know in the comments by dropping a 🐧 emoji or mentioning “penguin” if this reading resonated with you. How do you feel when you need to say something to your person that they may not like?

I loved reading for you! You can leave a tip on ko-fi to support future readings. And don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for alerts on new pick a cards.

Pile 2: Flowers

Know Your Limits, But Be Open to Opportunity

You know that this relationship is worth saving, though there was a time when you questioned it. The Eight of Cups, Reversed is about a return to commitment. You want to try things again.

Just be aware that your previous willingness to walk away, even if it was brief, does mean you have a lower tolerance for things going wrong now. You need to see that your person is also committing to change.

Maybe they can’t do it perfectly and will need a lot of help, but you expect sincere progress and you don’t want to be the only one doing all the work or experiencing the negatives of the relationship.

That said, you’re going to need to be vigilant. This person isn’t necessarily malevolent, but they’re kind of a hot mess.

Things Need to Be Very Different

The Seven of Wands is about being in control of your relationship and fending off chaos. Your person may be resistant at times and even have enablers or other people who make your relationship difficult.

Turning conflict into relationship growth in your case is identifying the bad influence and kicking it out of your lives.

This could mean distancing you and your person from specific people, places, or things. Moving may also be in order.

Just be aware that if addictive behaviors are involved, you may need to replace them with something better. For example, telling an alcoholic not to drink generally doesn’t work because their entire social circle and daily routine are centered around alcohol. The entire framework of life has to change for them to change.

That’s why religious conversions or major projects like running a marathon are so effective. So much of their life has to change to facilitate it. Bad social influences are kicked to the curb.

While the type of compulsive behavior isn’t indicated by the spread, partaking in a major project together could be fun for both of you as well as corrective of bad influences.

Be aware that relationships where your person is in the throes of addiction will require help, mercy, and discipline.

If your person is someone who has authority over you, like a parent or a boss, you may not be in a position to do this for them. That means you can’t be the helper they need. You might need to find someone else they will listen to.

Happiness On the Way

There’s a lot of good news in your spread, though. The last card is the Four of Wands. This is a card of celebration, marriage, and wonderful things.

You may not believe it now and just have hope, but your relationship will transform into something very happy if you persist. It will require determination and willpower to get there, but what your relationship is now would be just a shadow of its future potential.

Your intuition senses this future, but I think your person may be overwhelmed and downtrodden that they can’t see what you see as possible.

For this reason, there’s a threat your person could give up on change or give up on you. Your primary goal is actually to uplift this person. Fear helps someone commit to immediate change. But optimism is what causes them to commit to something in the longterm.

Even if criticism and discipline are necessary, try to sandwich it using one good thing, the critique, and then another good thing. This helps your person believe they’re capable of change.

But also use this technique on yourself. Whenever you feel that your relationship is too much, sandwich that thought with good things. This helps create a practice of gratitude, but it also helps you to monitor the relationship.

If you’re struggling to find something good to make your sandwich, then your person may not be putting in the work they need to. So there are some who picked this pile who may think their relationship is worth saving… but it may not actually be. Not all conflict can turn into relationship growth.

You can only manifest a relationship that the other person wants to manifest too. And your person can change. They just need to want it and make the sacrifices over the longterm. That’s what you need to look for.

Let me know in the comments by dropping a 🐢 emoji or mentioning “turtle” if this reading resonated with you. How far would you go to keep a relationship?

I loved reading for you! You can leave a tip on ko-fi to support future readings. And don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for alerts on new pick a cards.

Pile 3: Books

Go Small to Go Long

You need to approach your relationship with a fresh perspective. The Ace of Wands, Reversed is a sign that things are going in the wrong direction, but you still have plenty of time to turn things around.

Just know that your relationship is in a sensitive period. For example, when someone enters a new relationship or meets someone new, they don’t want to trauma dump or get too emotionally vulnerable.

Sometimes, relationships grow not through intense social and emotional work, but through casual moments.

There was a study by Gottman where he observed couples in a home-like setting and realized they spent a lot of time on mundane topics. These were bids for connection and the best relationships involved two people responding positively to these bids.

Bonding comes from everyday moments instead of grand gestures or deep conversations. This is what you need to focus on right now.

Words Can Hurt

With the King of Swords, either you or your person can be cutting with their words. Perhaps you have a disagreement over politics or the way something is handled. This is used as a bid for connection. It shouldn’t be, though.

This spread is an indication that this “depth” topic is actually shallow and irrelevant to your relationship. If you didn’t talk about… your relationship wouldn’t be harmed. You need to pick your bids for connection wisely.

Imagine a couple: one who’s scientist and the other who’s poet. Both see their interest as the height of intelligence, but the other doesn’t. Yet the couple uses these topics as their primary bid for connection because they feel they must since that’s what they do at work among their peers.

Yet what the couple wants in love is different. They want a partner they can trust and who enjoys decompressing with them after work. So even though most of the day they’re in their own intellectual worlds, they find it more comforting to be casual together.

That’s what I see is the origin of your conflict and also your key to relationship growth. Re-evaluate what you need in your relationship from this person and then drop bids for connection that are irrelevant because they incite meaningless disagreement.

Don’t Put Obligations on Your Relationship That Don’t Matter

It seems like you’re putting too many burdens and obligations in your relationship given the Ten of Wands card. Most or even all may not matter. But you weigh this too heavily and try to meet these expectations by seeking agreement through bids of connection.

Your person also feels the same and some of the conflict coming from them is because they feel they must argue with you on moral grounds.

But again, it doesn’t matter. Imagine another couple who have different political beliefs on an ongoing war in a foreign country they have no connection to (you could pick one out of the hat at this point). It causes conflict because they both feel they need to have an opinion that they then bring into their marriage as a bid for connection.

This is happening to you in some form, though perhaps a different topic. And I’m guessing social media or peer pressure is contributing to that.

Maybe the topic is important in general. But it’s not important to the context of your relationship with your person.

Once you identify it, you’ll need to talk to your person about it being an off-topic thing or don’t bring it up yourself if they never do.

And while you may think this is only a problem for those who married someone of a different culture, religion, or political party, understand that no one has completely identical sets of beliefs. If you get into the details, you’ll find differences. Every time.

Perhaps you have a family member who believes perpetual motion machines are possible despite it breaking the first and second laws of thermodynamics. Okay. Maybe that’s a me problem.

If the belief you’re fighting over is irrelevant, like in my case, don’t fight over it. Don’t ascribe moral relevance to it. Don’t even compromise over it. Just don’t bring it up as a bid for connection.

Your person isn’t your debate partner. When you use bids for connection, seek growth instead of victory. Otherwise – change the topic.

Let me know in the comments by dropping a 🐙 emoji or mentioning “octopus” if this reading resonated with you. Is there a bid for connection topic you now realize you should abandon?

I loved reading for you! You can leave a tip on ko-fi to support future readings. And don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for alerts on new pick a cards.