How You’re Hurting Yourself: Tarot Pick a Card

Do you feel like you’re being too harsh to yourself or that something you’re doing is self-destructive? If that’s the case this tarot pick a card reading is here to help you find out why and how to heal.

All you have to do is pick the pile that sticks out to you the most. Which crystal inspires your intuition? That’s your pile and that’s your tarot reading.

After you select your cards, scroll down to your pile or choose below.

Today I’m using the Dark Mirror Oracle (this is an affiliate link that supports me if you make a purchase). Remember that you have free will. That means you can manifest the positive and avoid the negative of any reading.

Take a deep breath. Now breathe out. It’s time to heal.

Pile 1: Amethyst

Embracing Your Dark Side

I see that your first card is Black Flower Fragrance. This is a card of embracing dark energy for your own good. So I do think you either explored your shadow self or channeled a negative trait into a productive way in the past.

However, you’ve either embraced this trait as the sum of your character or this dark energy is no longer as necessary as it once was. Now you’re embracing this dark energy and it’s hurting you instead of helping you.

This dark energy is very alluring though. Such energy tends to be powerful and can help give you unfair advantages in the world. Perhaps you even deserved these advantages after a bad past. But this dark energy is starting to become a poison instead of an elixir.

You want to push out this negative energy but feel helplessly addicted. How can you possibly let go now?

How to Handle This Addiction

I think it will help to recognize that the second card, Obsession, indicates a loss of control. You’re not really choosing to be a bad person. Instead, the dark energy is poisoning you. You’re not fully responsible.

Even the Catholic Church, which is infamous for pushing people to confess their sins, makes a distinction between willful sin and compulsive behavior. Because some behaviors are beyond your free will.

So how do you heal? With obsession, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge it. Don’t hide this fact from yourself.

Then, like giving up caffeine, you have one of two options: cold turkey withdrawal or gradual withdrawal.

But it depends on the dark energy you’ve embraced. If you simply need to reduce your reliance on that behavior, gradual withdrawal is what you should do because it should never be absent from your life again and going cold turkey would just set the wrong expectation in your mind.

But if the behavior has become so toxic you can never imagine doing it again – cold turkey is the way you should go.

You’re Wearing a Mask

The final card, Triumph of Lies, represents what your current behaviors will lead to if you keep embracing dark energy. This darkness is not the sum of who you are and identifying with it too strongly will create a false persona.

This false persona won’t make you happy. Let’s use an example: imagine a pushover who decides to use their pent-up aggression to gain autonomy in their life. At first, this is really great, but too heavy a reliance on this will result in a formerly friendly and loving person being very hateful and needlessly competitive.

Do a simple journal exercise and ask yourself what character traits you like best about yourself. Don’t forget that’s who you are. Don’t let the dark energy you once used to help you make you into a villain.

I loved reading for you! If it resonated, let me know. You can also leave a tip on ko-fi or book a private reading on my Etsy.

Pile 2: Tiger’s Eye

Feeling Trapped

Your first card is Anger and Chains. Something in your life has made you angry, perhaps justifiably so. However, we’ve all heard that anger can hurt you and this is true.

In the short term, it can cause you to act protectively or to do something to stop the origin. But in the long term, anger makes you anxious and raises your blood pressure.

Therefore you can’t let anger persist to the point that it bounds you in chains.

Why is it persisting though? The origin of your anger either continues or you’ve not moved on. The first is harder to deal with, but you should know that you can’t control everything in life merely by disagreeing with it. You either need to take direct action or make the conscious decision to not focus on it anymore even though it’s not resolved.

But the second, you not moving on, is usually the result of not forgiving or forgetting. Not everything deserves forgiveness, but forgiveness can be called for if it will help you reconcile with another person (or yourself). If something can’t be forgiven, you just need to not think of the past anymore. You should focus on the present.

False Self

The second card in your spread is Artificial Heart. I see two readings here. The first is that this anger is something you’re trying to hide. You don’t want other people and perhaps even yourself to know how much it’s bothering you. Don’t do that. Lying to others or yourself won’t soften the anger you feel.

The other reading is a little scarier and doesn’t apply to everyone in this pile. But if you focus too much on your anger it will weaken your actual heart and perhaps lead to developing heart issues. Consider meditation or other calming practices in addition to what else is recommended in this reading.

Sacrifice Isn’t Necessary

Your third card is Peaceful Among Thorns. No matter why you’re angry, I do see in your spread that you’re in a difficult situation. For some this difficult situation still has its roses, but for others, it’s just difficult.

I think everyone is trying to stay as still as possible to not make things worse and end up wounded. While this is good to prepare yourself for future action, the thorns are growing around you and becoming worse. You either need to cut them or leave.

Otherwise, you’ll be physically trapped in the situation that’s causing you anger and have no escape until something dramatic happens.

Don’t be nice at the expense of your health and sanity.

Stop Denying Yourself

A fourth card rarely falls in my shuffling, but it did this time and I decided to include it even though it repeats much of what this spread is implying. The universe must think this pile needs this card for final emphasis.

Here we have the Is This Me? Card. See how the woman is dressed for battle, but in a silly way that’s fashionable and not utilitarian? I see this card as a sign you’re not living in a way that’s helpful or reflective of who you are.

The reason you’re angry in the first place is that you’re denying something to yourself. Figure out what that is because this denial led you to a situation where you had to please other people or be in a situation that wasn’t good for you.

I loved reading for you! If it resonated, let me know. You can also leave a tip on ko-fi or book a private reading on my Etsy.

Pile 3: Apatite

Don’t Assign Your Identity to Categories

You have an interesting spread. The first card, Queen of My World, indicates some level of narcissism or self-obsession. But because of the rest of your spread, I think this is really capitulating to the influences of the world and assuming the superficiality is your entire identity.

I’ll use an example. People love to belong to tribes. They look at their zodiac sign, MBTI type, seasonal color analysis, Hogwarts house… a plethora of possible categories and then assign that identity to themselves.

If some aspect of who they are differs from that identity they repress it to fit in with the rest of their group. This is harmful because you’re a complex person with traits that seem in contrast to other parts of your identity.

A nerd can’t play sports. A feminine girl can’t have short hair. And so on. See how that boxes a person into a prescribed identity where only an absolute, 100% match is acceptable?

The way you can be yourself is to be yourself, not a prescribed identity group to the exclusion of others. It’s not “this” or “that.” Your life should be “this” and “that.”

Be Your Whole Self

The next card is Hiding Your True Self. This continues what I talked about in the previous card and I think it would help you to do a journal exercise where you list the identity groups you think you belong in. Then, next to that identity group, you list any traits you have which wouldn’t belong to that group.

If I were to do this exercise, I could probably write down that I majored in English… and I hate the smell of old books. I don’t keep old books. I either give them away or replace them. Not surprisingly, I don’t really like libraries or used bookshops either.

Some of your identity groups may be silly like that, or they may be serious and cause you a lot of heartache because of the perceived mismatch you experience.

But know that it’s okay to be different. For anything you write down that causes you pain, write an affirmation like this “It’s okay to be ___ and ___ at the same time. I love who I am.”

You’re allowed to be different and you’re allowed to be open about those differences.

Unique In So Many Ways

The last card in your spread, Colorless Angel, is who you’ll become if you don’t accept who you are. All you’ll be is some anonymous creature who “perfectly” matches an identity. There will be no individuality.

Think of a book or movie that copies all the tropes of a genre and does nothing new. It’s a little boring, right?

Know that your individuality isn’t a curse. It’s what makes you unique and distinct from everyone else in a group.

And remember also that you don’t just have one identity. You have multiple traits and belong to multiple groups. This means you have multiple ways that your complexity makes you unique from all the identities you belong to.

I loved reading for you! If it resonated, let me know. You can also leave a tip on ko-fi or book a private reading on my Etsy.